As I See It- Holiday Traditions 2015

Most people who know me have known me for a long, long time. My relationships are strong and deep regardless of the circumstances. I hold on to them long after I have moved, changed jobs, or lost the daily contact that forged those connections in the first place. I love unconditionally, am loyal forever, and cherish meaningful tradition like the lifeline it truly is in today’s fast-paced culture.

Coming from a broken home at a time when more than 90% of families were intact, wasn’t easy. My mother struggled in an unforgiving community-base that did not accept people who did not fit into the norm. My younger sister and I found ourselves scrutinized, pitied for our circumstances, and longing for a past life torn away from us. When you’re a kid family traditions are formed quickly.  They do not have the perspective of decades to rely on. I see that every day with my grandchildren. Change a routine as simple as the route you take to the movies and they wonder what is up. As adults, we, too count on what we know and find comfort in those things, especially during the holidays.

So, when life throws you a sucker punch and takes away the routine or messes with our traditions, we get scared. At least I do. I don’t like change for the sake of change. I cling to meaningful and mindless exercises alike. My journey has been to discern the difference and embrace only the meaningful while casting away superfluous fluff. Getting older, I have found the loss of older family members, physical limitations changing what I can accomplish, and dealing with a younger generation of family who look to me to continue some traditions, but expect me to encompass their burgeoning outlook colored by their history and new adult reality.

Thanksgiving this year was at my older daughter’s new home and extended family she has carved for herself. Instead of hosting for 18, I was a guest at the table. Weirdly liberating, I must admit. However, the lack of control was off-putting for this traditional girl. My younger daughter and her partner had dinner at her family’s table for a change. The rest of the family and dear friends gave the new hostess some space this year. It’s On, for 2016 though.

Fortunately, we started a new tradition on Black Friday. Instead of shopping like maniacs, my immediate family came together for brunch at my house. Cooked expertly by my youngest, served with mimosas, Bloody Mary’s, eggs, bacon (despite vegetarian philosophy), and rainbow pancakes for my granddaughters. We watched the movie, Elf (a great new addition to my holiday collection), and decorated the tree. The tree decorating was a hard one to let go. I had to accept the early tree-trimming when I still had Thanksgiving decorations up, ornaments on top of each other on the lower third of the tree by eager little hands, and enjoying the new normal without comment. Not easy for me.

This year take time to readjust. Hold onto the meaningful traditions that feed your soul. Don’t do anything by rote, only by design. If it makes you anxious, forget about it. Doesn’t fit into our busy schedules, drop it. Cost too much- make it, bake it, or trade it in for something that brings greater joy in the giving. Most importantly, embrace this holiday for what it really is. A shining moment built on faith for a better world fueled by the best of our intentions. Peace and Love to All.

Saying Good-bye to a Good Guy

In Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, Mark Antony speaks at Caesar’s funeral using this famous quote, “…The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.” It may have been true in Shakespeare’s day, but I am thrilled to report not in Gurnee, IL. If you not one of the multitude who shared the loss of Richard Welton, I want you to know he left us with a resounding tribute ringing in his ears.

Mayor Welton (the only way I addressed him) was one of the Good Guys. Not a perfect man, but who is, really? Yet, the people who knew him and I am lucky to be counted in that large group of people, thought he was the best. The word that comes closest is a visionary and it has been used a lot since his death on July 31^st. I left his funeral just an hour ago and there was not a dry eye in Gurnee Community Church. Yes, this was a completely bias, standing room only crowd of mourners. These were his people. Friends he grew-up with, family members, community leaders, Village employees, intergovernmental agencies, church congregation, and of course, residents who knew him well.

You see everyone he met, he treated as a friend. He had a kind word for everybody, Except for, maybe the naysayers who did not love Gurnee like he did. Welton never hesitated to speak his mind or convince you to see it his way. No one loved Gurnee more than he did during his life. He became the Mayor in 1973 at just 30 years old. He held the job for 28 years. His vision allowed for Great America, Gurnee Mills, residential expansion, the retail corridor of Grand Avenue, and the extension of the Village to Route 45, to name a number of his accomplishments. The most important thing is he did it without abandoning the true essence of his home town.

As he was laid to rest, he was honored by his community in the most meaningful way possible. Memories were shared publicly and privately, tears were shared with family and friends, and everyone came together in droves to show their respect and love. I did say, love. To know him was to love him. He had a heart of gold, loved his family without reason, served his community with distinction, and was a kind and caring man, always.

So, some people may have to leave this Earth without anyone remembering what good works they accomplished in their life. However, that is not the case for Dick Welton. His death at 72 years of age almost seems premature. We will miss you greatly, Mayor.

A Doula may be the ticket...

Are you thinking, who or what is a doula? I have to admit that I was not familiar with the term when I first heard it. More than a midwife, who assists a woman in childbirth a doula, is the whole package. Both are trained and can be certified, but the doula is the support for the mother before the birth, through the birth, and after the birth for the whole family. While a midwife or doctor is primarily focused on the physical procedure, the doula is part of the entire process.

 Having a doula on board is an amazing thing. When the gynecologist/obstetrician monitors, tests, and supervises a woman’s pregnancy, they are seeing their patient only once a month until the last month when visits are weekly. Measuring the fetus, checking the weight gain (babies and mother), and performing a couple of ultrasounds, the doctors must attend to a multitude of patients. The doula is actively involved through every step of the pregnancy. This is especially helpful when it’s your first child. How many of you remember having “no clue” during those nine months? Where was Google when I was having kids?

So, when a friend announced the birth of her son with the help of a doula, I had to investigate. Lauren Sczygielski-Anders and I worked as ushers at the Genesee Theatre when it first opened. Always being on-top of all that she does, I was not surprised that she had engaged a doula for her first-ever birthing experience. Her choice was Martha Sheahan CD (DONA International), who trained and became certified as a doula in 2009. Her business is named, Becoming a Mother Birthing Service (www.becomingmothers.org). She developed an interest in natural childbirth after her first two children were born premature and wanted a better experience with her third and fourth.

Formerly, Doulas of North America, DONA International is the largest doula association in the world. There are more than 7000 certified doulas and the numbers continue to increase. Once certified, Martha was able to use her skills to provide holistic, non-medical birth support for people like Lauren, which is really the significant difference between a doula and a midwife. Midwives like an obstetrician are considered clinical care providers. Although essential to the success of the birthing experience, they are focused on the physical act of giving birth. A doula works alongside of the medical team, possibly a midwife, and mother before, during, and after the delivery.

Martha explained, “As a doula I’ve worked in homes, hospitals, and birthing centers. I provide care to all women, regardless of the route they choose, while in labor. Natural, medical, or C-section the benefits of a doula remain the same. The excitement of supporting a family through birth never grows old. Each experience is unique and each birth writes its own story. I believe a 100% in the empowerment this sacred experience brings to a woman. I am honored to be part of the journey.”

In Lauren’s case, her baby, Tom, was delivered by caesarean section at 39 weeks. He was a double footling breech. Yep, both feet were coming out first. Not a good scenario for mother or child. Despite, a major change in plans, she still felt her birth experience was almost perfect with some valuable assistance from her doula. Lauren faced surgery with a calm, relaxed confidence instead of fear and helplessness. She shared with me, “Having Martha with us gave Dan (her husband) and me a peace and calm you wouldn’t believe. Dan, who was a skeptic at first, loved having her there as she was informative, professional, calm, and funny (most important). I am the first woman in our family to have a doula and hope I won’t be the last…they’re great!”

After my research, hearing Lauren’s story, and learning about Martha’s passion for her profession I am convinced this is an amazing practice and more meaningful than a traditional birth. Raising four children with her firefighter husband, Matt, she is a blocker for the Root River Rollers (a women’s roller derby team out of Racine, WI), and dabbles in photography and gardening.  Nonetheless, she use her innate skills, (honed through hours of training) supports new parents, and continues to bring new life into the world on a regular basis. Sounds like a dream job to me, right?  Until next time…

We're All Bozos on this Bus

Being from a certain generation, I remember an irreverent comedy troupe,  Firesign Theatre, which was popular when I voted for the first time. Their comedy  actually was very clever, with some out-there satire, back in the 70s. The fourth album (remember those?) was named, “I Think We’re All Bozos on this Bus”. The phrase stuck with me and I have used it many times over the years.

You may wonder why I am writing about them at this particular time, and referencing ridiculous people (Bozos) near an election day in Lake County. Well, maybe one Bozo in Gurnee on that bus was dropped off at the Warren-Newport Public Library. You might have caught a number of news stories about the Library Board in the recent past. The meetings have been a real circus.

This educated and dedicated group of service-oriented people has been bussed around by some loopy, laughable and intentionally argumentative person who has no concept on how to run a meeting, cooperate within a team, or focus on the matters at-hand.  Much like a particular member on the Warren Township High School Board, this library trustee is causing a great deal of turmoil for the other hard-working public servants who are prepared for meetings, follow proper rules of order, and work collaboratively with fellow library board members for the common good .

Unfortunately, this isn’t an exciting election year. There aren’t big contests to be considered and this means a lower voter turnout. No important questions, directly corresponds with  the number of people venturing out at their polling place. If people don’t vote, situations arise where write-in candidates can be elected with 31 votes. Yes, it happened on Warren’s School Board two years ago.

The vice-president on the library board is a perfect example. This man has scores of detractors, but the public knows little about his antics. He’s considered  toxic by his peers, impervious to criticism, and appears invulnerable, by running again for a six year term. Last week at the monthly board meeting, the consultant hired to help the board get-along, had blocked this gentleman’s Twitter posts. He was also chastised for politicking on library property, disrespected fellow board members, and called out on having library personnel make an extraordinarily large amount of business cards that he’s handing out to voters.

I can’t tell you who to vote for on April 7^th, but I can offer some tips. Get educated and find out about the candidates before you enter the booth. Don’t pick someone because the name sounds familiar, or they’re an incumbent. Find out if the candidate’s views align with your beliefs. Go to board meetings regularly, before the election. If you can’t attend a meeting, ask someone you trust for their opinion, or view the minutes on record. Check-out Facebook,  look at who endorses them, and read the news.  Say no to the Bozos, do the research, and vote smart.

 

Lake County CASA

Living in Lake County- CASA

Odie Pahl

A number of years ago I was volunteering for the Zacharias Center in Gurnee, which assists victims of sexual abuse. After being thoroughly trained, I signed-up for the help line, was on call for emergency visits to local hospitals for victims’ treatment, and learned how to advocate in court when perpetrators were brought for trial. It was very interesting, a bit depressing, and thoroughly fulfilling to help these people during their darkest hours.

However, I have a special penchant for children. I wanted to be of service for the ones who are really hurting.  I heard about CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) and called to see what it was all about. After an interview, almost 40 hours of training, and being assigned to a case manager, I was ready to receive my first assignment. The children are victims of neglect, abandonment and abuse. My cases were no different. Each child starts the process through the court system and CASA volunteers do, as well. Until an illness two years ago circumvented my service, I was fortunate to work on several cases.

About the time, I was sworn in (2010) there were 70,900 advocates nationally and they had helped over 240,000 children through the court system. That same year, there were more than 700,000 children who were victims of abuse and neglect. CASAs become the voice of the child in the courtroom, research the background of their assigned cases, and advocate for the best interests of the child.

Although the training covers a lot of information, provides expert speakers, and prepares advocates through role play and the study of past cases (privacy insured), until assigned a child or children it all seems a bit unreal for a new CASA.  Early-on the responsibility you take on becomes quite clear. These children are thrown into a system they do not understand, sometimes taken from their parents indefinitely, and placed with strangers temporarily while the courts determine their future. As an advocate, you may be the only person looking out for their well-being.

Back in 1976, Superior Court Judge David Soukup in Seattle, WA was concerned with the lack of information about how the children were fairing in his criminal cases. No one was speaking for the child’s welfare. By January 1977, he had a pilot program implemented. The first year there were 110 volunteers, serving 498 children in 376 cases in Seattle, alone. During the next few decades, the replication of the initial program moved across the country. There are now over 1,015 CASA programs within the United States.

CASA Lake County is located in Vernon Hills not too far from the Robert W. Depke Juvenile Justice Complex on Milwaukee Avenue. It is considered a nonprofit membership organization. There are multiple fundraisers throughout the year to fund the program. If interested in their training program go to http://casalakecounty.com for dates and to investigate the application process.  The commitment is major, but worth the effort in the life of each child. CASA volunteers run the gamut of differing professions, ethnic backgrounds, and possible time constraints. If becoming an advocate is too time intensive, there are other volunteer possibilities. Call (847) 377-7975 for information.

Should She Stay or Should She Go- Liz Biondi Should Resign

Update- Liz Biondi did show up at the January board meeting for Warren Township High School with little or no remorse. Once again the public blasted her for comments on the hiring of a new superintendent and was asked again to resign. When it was time for her to speak, she did not apologize or explain her actions. She rambled on about other issues and was cut-off after her three minute limit was reached. Clueless, she is an embarrassment to our community and District 121.

Living in Lake County- Controversial School Board Member

Odie Pahl

Last Tuesday night I attended a school board meeting in Gurnee. I admit I no longer attend meetings at Warren Township High School District 121 on a regular basis. My children are adults and I have so many things going on in my busy life. Unfortunately, I am here to tell you, when you put off civic responsibilities and assume others will take care of business for you, you are asking for trouble. I’m talking about Liz Biondi.

Liz Biondi was elected to Warren’s board by 31 write-in votes in April, 2013. Hardly, a rousing endorsement from the community, but she did capture the majority of votes and won her spot fair and square. The problem with having such a poor voter turnout is; the community has not actually done its job. We took for granted our right to decide and we are paying the price. Liz Biondi, school board member, is the end result.

Earlier in December, Warren’s board met to discuss the search for a new superintendent, since the current one was retiring at the end of the 2014-2015 school year.  This is sad news for D121 because they have had a great one. This is not only my opinion, but general consensus. At that meeting, apparently Biondi chose to express her opinion on having a gay or lesbian superintendent when additional input was requested from the members.

Biondi expressed concerned with the personal fires that someone with that background would be putting out rather than dealing with superintendent fires. I was not there to hear those comments, but let me assure you her opinion spread like the wildfire. She was denounced quite publically in the media, across the Internet, and in private conversations. A petition was started drawing close to 3000 signatures condemning her comments and requesting her resignation.

On December 16^th, without Biondi in attendance, the community did what we should have done in the first place and told the school board what we thought. Private Citizens, concerned past and present parents of Warren students, local politicians, teachers, village trustees, and the students themselves spoke quite eloquently on Biondi’s lack of moral judgment and asking for her resignation. Not one person came to her defense. Biondi was told quite frankly through this public forum that she was alone in her personal views.

At this time, Biondi has refused to resign. The resolution presented by the school board passed by a 5-0 vote. It left no doubt that Biondi’s opinions were her own. She certainly does not represent the people of Warren Township who stood up to her at that board meeting.

The fact of the matter is Biondi is not well-liked in her position. She’s known to be antagonistic and contrary at most meetings. However, until she stepped over-the-line with her comments, both legally and morally, she had every right to do so as a rightfully elected member of District 121. Hopefully, the powers-that-be will fix this mistake for us. Next election, I will pay attention.

A New Mystery Writer Unveiled

Living in Lake County- A New Author

Odie Pahl

 

Set back by the cruel exploits of her abusive husband and haunted by an evil presence she can’t quite grasp, Police Chief Josie Oliver finds herself drawn into the cross hairs of a vicious serial killer. Fighting for her marriage, faith, and fate, Chief Josie is confronted by an Adversary that only God can conquer—if she decides to let Him in. (excerpt Alabaster Vases)

Dr. Catherine Finger is well-known in Lake County as an educator, administrator, board member, and Lake County’s Superintendent of the Year. She has lead Grayslake High School District 127 for the last nine years (she’s in her tenth year) making her one of the longest tenured administrators in the county. Now, she adds one more hat to her collection, novelist. Her blog states:

“Like her heroine, Police Chief Jo Oliver, Dr. Catherine Finger is committed to protect and serve, but instead of handcuffs and handguns, she uses her wit and wisdom as a high school superintendent and a community volunteer in Grayslake, Illinois. When she’s not working or writing she can be found enjoying God’s presence and the people of New Hope Church in Round Lake, Illinois. She is passionate about sharing God’s truth through her fiction. Alabaster Vases is her debut novel and the first in the Murder with a Message series.” (catherinefinger.com)

Being a writer myself, I know what a big undertaking writing can be for a busy person with many responsibilities. I work on my future projects every minute I can get away from my day-to-day schedule. However, I also understand the great joy to follow your passion in a very tangible way to publication. On January 1, 2015, Finger will celebrate her debut story with a book launch at Dalton’s Cakes, 970 Harris Road, from 1-4pm in Grayslake. Munching on tasty treats, while mingling in a literary atmosphere,  is not a bad way to welcome 2015.

The book release introduces the first of a series of mysteries from Finger through Deep River Books. Blending a faith-based message, yet having real-life events sprinkled with mystery and intrigue has to be fun to write. I read the excerpt from her website and very quickly I wanted to read more. The book unfolds in this locality, so Lake County residents will recognize the area. Originally, from Wisconsin, Catherine Finger, draws from her experiences, while letting her imagination weave some interesting scenarios in a world of murder and mayhem. The spiritual message is incorporated not to preach, but to enlighten and to help the heroine and possibly the reader find answers.

If you can’t make the New Year’s Day release event, Alabaster Vases is available on Amazon.com as a pre-order for only $13.17. This time of year, Amazon has some great discounts and fast shipping. Who knows it may be shipped from the new facility in Kenosha. Have you seen that building on 94? It’s huge! What a nice boon to the Wisconsin-Illinois workforce. Happy Reading!

AJ Soars

Living in Lake County- A Parent’s Pain

Odie Pahl

Are you a parent? There isn’t a day that I’m not grateful for two healthy adult daughters or two precious granddaughters in my world. When my kids were little I was anxious about all the worries that parents are typically concerned about. How am I going to fund their education, will they do well in school, will they have friends, and will they grow up to be happy and responsible adults? Those fears never go away.

The one issue I failed to mention is probably the most worrisome, will they be healthy? You try not to borrow trouble and believe all will be fine, but the truth is you never stop praying for guidance and protection for your children’s well-being.  You, also never and I mean never become complacent for their glowing health.

Angela and Adrian Peterson know about this, all too well. Their son, AJ, is fighting the fight of his life and they are praying for a miracle. The oldest of four children, AJ was diagnosed with brain cancer last June. Shortly after school was out, the family headed for Florida.  He had some troubling symptoms that raised a red flag almost immediately. Visiting numerous specialists, it was determined to be life-changing.

Only six years old, this current first grader was given a prognosis that no parent wants to hear and no child should suffer through. Diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor known as Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (DIPG), it was determined to be inoperable.  Alternative treatment was his only hope.

On Facebook at AJ Soars, the Peterson’s document their struggle with the help of new and old friends. In turn, Adrian (a former Chicago Bear running back and motivational speaker), with his wife, Angela (a teacher in Gurnee) shower all the love and support they can on their ailing son. AJ maintains his activities in-between hospital stays or ER visits. The Peterson Family perseveres (together) in their new normal; so very different than a short six months ago.

Multiple fundraisers and events were organized for him; always with tremendous moral support. The family receives encouragement from the Bears organization, Angela’s coworkers, AJ’s school, and their faith community. Just recently AJ was granted one of his wishes through the Make a Wish Foundation. He became an honorary policeman. Sworn-in and given a uniform in the presence of family and friends, the Village of Round Lake came out big time. He was thrilled.

The family remains strong, relying on their faith, and taking it one-day-at-a-time. There’s a website for donations with updates on his ongoing condition. Through it all, AJ remains courageous and hopeful, regardless of his ups and downs. He flashes that infectious smile guaranteed to melt your heart. AJ’s a wonderful soul that shines a light on everyone he meets.

Angela Peterson commented on the website, http://gofundme.com/aj-soars, “Thank you for your support and prayers. It never goes unrecognized. Your angel work and support means the world to us.”  

AJ Soars

Living in Lake County- A Parent’s Pain

Odie Pahl

Are you a parent? There isn’t a day that I’m not grateful for two healthy adult daughters or two precious granddaughters in my world. When my kids were little I was anxious about all the worries that parents are typically concerned about. How am I going to fund their education, will they do well in school, will they have friends, and will they grow up to be happy and responsible adults? Those fears never go away.

The one issue I failed to mention is probably the most worrisome, will they be healthy? You try not to borrow trouble and believe all will be fine, but the truth is you never stop praying for guidance and protection for your children’s well-being.  You, also never and I mean never become complacent for their glowing health.

Angela and Adrian Peterson know about this, all too well. Their son, AJ, is fighting the fight of his life and they are praying for a miracle. The oldest of four children, AJ was diagnosed with brain cancer last June. Shortly after school was out, the family headed for Florida.  He had some troubling symptoms that raised a red flag almost immediately. Visiting numerous specialists, it was determined to be life-changing.

Only six years old, this current first grader was given a prognosis that no parent wants to hear and no child should suffer through. Diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor known as Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (DIPG), it was determined to be inoperable.  Alternative treatment was his only hope.

On Facebook at AJ Soars, the Peterson’s document their struggle with the help of new and old friends. In turn, Adrian (a former Chicago Bear running back and motivational speaker), with his wife, Angela (a teacher in Gurnee) shower all the love and support they can on their ailing son. AJ maintains his activities in-between hospital stays or ER visits. The Peterson Family perseveres (together) in their new normal; so very different than a short six months ago.

Multiple fundraisers and events were organized for him; always with tremendous moral support. The family receives encouragement from the Bears organization, Angela’s coworkers, AJ’s school, and their faith community. Just recently AJ was granted one of his wishes through the Make a Wish Foundation. He became an honorary policeman. Sworn-in and given a uniform in the presence of family and friends, the Village of Round Lake came out big time. He was thrilled.

The family remains strong, relying on their faith, and taking it one-day-at-a-time. There’s a website for donations with updates on his ongoing condition. Through it all, AJ remains courageous and hopeful, regardless of his ups and downs. He flashes that infectious smile guaranteed to melt your heart. AJ’s a wonderful soul that shines a light on everyone he meets.

Angela Peterson commented on the website, http://gofundme.com/aj-soars, “Thank you for your support and prayers. It never goes unrecognized. Your angel work and support means the world to us.”  

The View and Marriage in Today’s World

I was watching The View this morning and through the chaos of the panel’s differing opinions on marriage I did relate to some of the topics presented. I really love The View, but even I’ll have to step away from the screen when they are thrashing out one of the “Hot Topics”. Talking over each other, interrupting whoever’s train-of-thought, and/or lambasting someone for daring to take another stance, is all great fun. However, some of the facts tend to get lost in the obvious posturing.

Anyway, they were talking about renewing a marriage license like we do our driver’s license, like every four years. Taking a look at the whole process and figuring out if we want to continue on and re-up until the next term or call it a day. What do you think? At the beginning of marriage, we are not as entwined in family, property, or life experiences, so a difficult divorce can be avoided under the “apprenticeship” program.

They say in a long standing marriage, couples may have multiple versions of their marriage. As our bodies are ever-changing, so is who we are. Making a successful partnership is a work in progress and maybe if regulated in the first four years, you can cancel the contract if you are not growing in the same direction. Once children are involved, of course, the marriage certificate kicks in. It would be no different for same-sex marriages.

They also discussed some kind of certification for raising children, the future of Beyoncé’s marriage, a new movie with John Lithgow on Alfred Molina about a same-sex couple as they grow older (interesting), and if a man is hit by a woman should she be treated as the victim when he turns on her. Does she have an applied expectation that she is immune to retaliation if she started the altercation? I tell you it was an interesting show.  Let me just say, no one has the right to physically harm another unless it is in self-defense. Man or woman- you pay the price for violating their right to safety.

After 39 years of marriage, I’ve lived through a number of different versions in our relationship. Some great, others pretty good, and let’s not repeat that again. Either way, if it was as easy as a simple renewal, some marriages wouldn’t last the first expiration date. Mine included. People are more willing to give up when there’s not much to lose. When abuse or dysfunction is perpetrated on either party, all bets are off, no question.

It takes time to really know someone, to accept someone after the initial passion has cooled, and understand we are not perfect as individuals. So the odds are we will not be in a marriage, which is perfect. We really need to work at things, regardless of how complicated they are. The harder the task the more we appreciate it when we succeed.

What’s your view?  Until next time…

The Wisdom of Our Grandmothers

I relish the idea of being a wise old woman, a grandmother. Heaven knows I am old enough to be one and God willing I will be getting older. So, I meet the main criteria with my grandchildren and then my age. I am getting on in years despite feeling just the same. Not like today, many of the ancient cultures revere us (older folks) with respect and admiration for what we have learned. Society doesn’t care so much. The gift of our wisdom and experience may be tolerated by our children at best and uniformly dismissed by the younger generations at its worst.  More invisible than pertinent to the conversation, I’ve become mute at times.

This is not acceptable. I’m at that age (baby boomer) when I’m not known for my innovative perspective, but continue to have valid ideas. I’ve learned that most seniors are fully functional, willing to try new things, and have decades of knowledge to share, Maybe it takes a little longer for me to find that particular word I was looking for (again) that lies beyond the tip of my tongue, I might need a couple tries to master a particular app on my smartphone or iPad, but I eventually figure out how to get there with the GPS. I admit my texting can improve a bit (okay, greatly), yet I am proud that it is in proper English and grammatically correct.  Speed is not always better. Candy Crush is addicting.

I once read the story of a grandmother and grandson that goes like this: A grandmother told her grandson that she felt like there were two wild animals fighting in her heart. The first one was mean, angry, and full of revenge and the other was good, kind, and forgiving. The boy asked, “Grandmother, which one will win”?  The grandmother answered, “The one I feed”. Doesn’t that say it all? What we become is based on how we nurture ourselves and we are a sum of how we have used those experiences. Grandmothers realize we are all connected and we suffer the same.

All the self-help books, talk show hosts, and celebrity experts cannot replace the information garnered from our own journeys, or the counsel of our elders. Grandmothers of today know how to raise children, while juggling a career. They have lived life before cell phones and computers, but stay in touch on Facebook. Actually, the grandmothers of today have conquered many obstacles in the workplace, on the home front, and through the dictates of society regardless of race, age or gender.

We know that kindness is more important than being right. We understand equality is not possible, but acceptance and fairness are. We believe sometimes we have to fail to appreciate success. We recognize that timing and luck are not the same and apathy will rob us of our opportunities. Grandmothers love unconditionally and the Golden
Rule exists for a reason. Nope, we did not learn everything we know in kindergarten, but in a lifetime of classrooms without opening up a book. Finally, we know it is not the destination, rather the journey. Grandmothers know...we need to listen and learn.

As I Still See It

About 10 years ago I started a weekly column (Fridays) in the newspaper. It really was a dream come true. I grew up reading The Lake County News-Sun and I have always loved to write. I called it a “Day in the Life” and I had quite a following. The paper was going through a bumpy transition at the time and I moved on, but I always regretted my decision. I usually don’t bail out on things and my ego got into the way a bit. Lessons are hard learned, but I am grateful for every one of them even when I am clearly wrong.

Life for me has changed, the newspaper business has, our area has, and I am sure the readers have in the last five years. However, more than ever I believe that my kind of column remains a voice that identifies with the majority. Whether it is talking about Lake County in the present or past, reporting on events recently attended, or discussing the topics that touch our hearts and drive us mad- I want to write a column we can all relate to in some way. The people I grew-up with find it hard to relate to what this county looks like now after leaving years ago. Yet, many call this home and relish the memories we share.

In the last decade, I have gone through a lot of changes. I am now retired, one class away from a BS in psychology, have two accomplished grown daughters with their Masters working in education, a husband of 37 years, two amazing granddaughters, have traveled a more spiritual path, become more active in my community, and continued to feed my passion to write whenever possible.

Think about all that has changed since 2003 in the world and more importantly in your lives. Newspapers are not read for the latest news, but what is relevant in our lives. We can find out what we need to know, minutes after it happens on the internet. The networks loop news all day long, but we don’t hear what is going on in our neighborhoods, what important changes our happening in our towns, or how our schools are doing. Facebook is so popular with adults because we want those connections with others. With friends today and the ones faraway, touching base if only for a minute as we deal with our hectic schedules, and as the song from Train laments, “We all have bruises”, knowing we aren’t alone in this life.

Maybe reminiscing about our shared favorite spots, the latest bonehead move in the government, or aligning our chakras. All interesting ideas we can flesh out and explore in the weeks to come. Do you know where I am coming from?  So, are you with me? Willing to give me another chance? Life as I see it, your take on it, and what is important in our lives every day. That’s what I’m talking about…

Doing My Heart Good...

I saw a post from a friend on Facebook about a volunteering experience she had recently been a part of and how great she felt about it. A teacher, mother, and spiritually enlightened individual, my friend had to make time to give time and yet received a sense of accomplishment far greater than she expended. I wanted some of that, too.

So, a few days later, another friend and I signed up for a shift at the Libertyville location for FEED MY STARVING CHILDREN. Not sure what all it entailed when I put in my reservation to work, we showed up to make meals to send to underdeveloped countries around the world. After signing in, we received a hairnet and an invitation to join the others in a large room with lots of wooden benches. We were introduced to the guy in charge, saw a brief video on the organization, had an overview on what we were going to do, and proceeded to scrub up and get down to work. I learned we were making manna.

You might have heard of the word manna in connection with the Bible. Manna was the miraculous food that fed the Israelites when they were in the Egyptian desert. Manna is also defined as an unexpected, but much needed gift, divine nourishment, or some special assistance to relieve pain or discontent. You get the gist.

Costing less than $1.32, the manna I am talking about and that I helped prepare is a prepackaged dry meal, which provides a nutritionally complete and protein-rich serving for six. It addresses hunger for the severely malnourished child, while being in an acceptable form for all cultures. This is very important, because these three special formulas prepared solely by volunteers in seven permanent sites are distributed to almost 70 countries.

FMSC is a Christian nonprofit organization and was started in 1987 to provide complete nutritionally-based meals for starving, malnourished, and recovering children. It has a four star rating from Charity Navigator for eight out of the last ten years. A much higher score than many more recognizable charities, with 92% of total donations going right to the task of feeding children.

There are a number of sites to volunteer at in the Chicago area, but the Libertyville location was closest for us. You could go by yourself, with a group, or plan an event with your family. Birthday parties with a twist for children, scouting events, school or church outings can be scheduled for two hour shifts on Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday. Children as young as kindergarteners are welcome with an adult, and as the kids get older the number with an adult increases. Just go to fmsc.org for more information and make a reservation.

I guarantee this is the best two hours you’ll ever have for volunteering. The room is full of like-minded individuals joining together to feed the world. If standing is a problem, sit down jobs are available. From adding the dehydrated veggies, soy, enriched vitamin powder, and rice or potato base, weighing, sealing, filling the cases, and moving them to the warehouse, everyone had a job. Even the waste was used to feed local farm animals. Music played and the cheers when another case was ready for the pallet was heard from each station named for one of the countries serviced. Some of the earlier shipments were diverted to the Philippines ravaged by Typhoon Haiyan in November. Our food was being shipped to Honduras, as were the other shifts of the day.

Before our session ended we were given a sample of what we just packaged and we heard the numbers we produced. In our session, we made enough for 51 kids to eat for a year. In two short hours we made a major difference. I tell you, it did my heart good.

**Update- Gurnee School District 56 and specifically River Trail School collected $900 for this worthy cause and all the middle school kids will go as a field trip later in the school year and work a session. The good news continues…

As I See It- Heidi May

 Gurnee’s Heidi May

Odie Pahl

You have heard the saying, if you are given lemons, make lemonade. Well, Heidi May, Gurnee’s Own, did just that in some very important ways. Diagnosed with breast cancer, not once but twice, she found those experiences to be a call for action that continues 14 years later. On July 13^th, the Relay for Life Gurnee/Wadsworth will once again honor the survivors and caretakers of this equal opportunity disease and remember the ones who fought hard, but lost their lives. Heidi is responsible for bringing the 12 hour event to Gurnee and will be walking laps just like she has every year since its inception. However, her community involvement does not stop there and this is why.

Heidi May grew up in the area, attended Warren Township High School, married a local guy, and raised her son and daughter in Gurnee. In 1999, just a couple of days after her 35^th birthday she discovered a lump in her breast. Her doctor wanted to watch it since it was very small to see if it got larger or it was really something serious. Heidi wanted a referral to a specialist for a biopsy. Thank goodness, her determination prevailed; they found she had Stage Three Breast Cancer and recommended a mastectomy and chemo therapy. Her need for a quick response probably saved her life and certainly became the impetus for her healthy recovery.

There was a clinical trial for a new drug and she was accepted. Although she had a severe reaction to the chemo and was almost pulled out of the study, she told the doctor, “to figure out how to get them in me” believing it was her best option. “All I could think about was my second grader and kindergartener and that I needed to watch them grow up”. Losing her hair, she felt like a cancer patient for the first time. Before then, “I was just me”, but after hearing her son reprimand someone, “it is not nice to stare at my mom”, reality set in.

Her last treatment was in June, 2000 and she was invited to participate in the Relay for Life in Libertyville. Sitting at one of the sites, with her bandana covering her still bald head, someone came over to her and asked if she wanted to join in the survivor activities? “I am not sure I am a survivor yet”, replied an ever-practical Heidi and she was reassured she was indeed. Still weak, she did not make it through the night, but the next year with family, friends, and a group of staff members from Spaulding School in Gurnee in tow, she finished the night triumphantly.

Her group of supporters was convinced that a relay was needed in Gurnee and Heidi was the one to make it happen. Once again rising to the occasion, she made it a reality. “All I wanted to do was what that one person did for me at my first Relay…tell them they are most definitely a survivor and let’s celebrate your life”. Besides, all the work it took to bring the Relay to Gurnee and make it successful, Heidi ran for President of the D56 PTO and won. “I was given this second chance and I better make the most of it”.

In 2004, just a couple days before the Relay, biopsy results indicated she had breast cancer for the second time. During the same period, Heidi turned 40 and was almost at her all-important five year anniversary being cancer free. Instead she had a second mastectomy and reconstructive surgery on both breasts. She confided in her husband, Curt, who is her “rock” that she was so disappointed in her body and not making her important milestone. With the help of her loved ones, she made it through Relay and even a surprise celebration. She was back on track.

Heidi May chaired five or six Relays, co-chaired or was on a committee for the rest. She was honored three years ago at Relay for her good works and in 2010 was given the Distinguished Leadership Award by the American Cancer Society. Her daughter is active in her college’s Relay for Life and will be a co-chair next year making this a family legacy. Unbelievably, Gurnee’s Relay has raised over a million dollars, which was possible because of Heidi, family and friends. Yet, she wasn’t done there.

When Gurnee School District 56 needed help passing a referendum for a much needed school building, Heidi again stepped up. She worked tirelessly on committees, strategic planning groups, and eventually ran for the school board. She was the president for the last five years until she retired in May, 2013. Giving her time to community organizations, successfully sending her children off to college, and sharing time with family and a large network of friends, she also remains a sounding board for others going through a diagnosis of cancer. “I always try to help ease fears or answer questions as much as possible”.

When it was suggested that an article should be done about her, Heidi hesitated talking about herself or her volunteer efforts. However, rethinking her stance, she realized that her message was an important one to get out there. She said, “I am one of the lucky ones, my treatments worked and I was given another chance. I am not fond of attention on me, but I want cancer survivors and caregivers to remember they are not alone. I have gotten more involved in the community, because I feel like I was given a second chance, another opportunity to make a difference.”

Lemons, make them lemonade. Words to live by…

There is something wrong here...

I have had a wonderful life full of many experiences. Some unbelievable and some not so good, but each one has made the person I am today. Some were lessons learned and actions not to be repeated,yet they are what they are and I am richer for it. I have worked hard my whole life, not because I had to struggle- it was my choice. I worked at jobs I hated, loved, and just did for a paycheck when I wanted to raise my children in a comfortable life. The one thing I always believed was that you got what you put into the job. Whether it was just the check to pay the bills or the promotion or new job offered instead. I did my 100+%, because that is who I am. I practiced what I preached and went back to school for a degree, and took every chance to become better then I was yesterday. Unfortunately, I see more and more as I get older there are other agendas at stake. Whether it is companies bringing in new blood, cutting costs and benefits by farming out long-timers, or just people who believe younger is better and move over, Grandpa! There is something wrong here when a person's self-worth is jeopardized by the next new thing or employee. Suddenly, regardless of past performance (or even a current position) and employer is not willing to invest in supporting or training and worst case scenario demote or eliminate the job from under them. I always hesitated telling people my age. Not because I am ashamed of it- it was more what people did with that knowledge. We all do it, assume we know who other people are. Too young, they are inexperienced or immature. Too old, they are set in their ways and not willing to do new things. The same thing happens when someone is stricken with a disease. Any problem blame it on being too fragile, incompetent, or infirmed. The trouble is that not one person in this world will escape without getting old unless they prematurely die. Each one who is employed will reach a point where they have run the gamut in their profession. In today's society, if you are lucky to have a job, you are most likely going to have to work longer than your employer or you really want to. This does not mean you are done being a contributor in the workforce or not willing to take on more charitable pursuits as a volunteer. The breakdown arises when financially the company sees you as cumbersome and you still need a livelihood. Nothing personal (just personnel, right?). Personally, I have some great dreams for the future, but that future does not start until my mortgage is paid off and school loans are retired. So, for the young whipper-snappers who think things will be different when 20 years down the line you are in the same boat- think again! They won't be. Be kind to us old folks and recognize who we are. We still are smart, creative, hard-working and effectively contributing to whatever organization we work for, just like you. In an instant, you can be replaced, edged out, or humiliated by a new kid on the block, whether it be your rival or supervisor, who cannot see that younger is not always better. Until next time...

I'm Just Saying...

If you really know me, you know I have an opinion on just about everything. I do really try to see both sides of the story even when I do not agree with you. However, on the first morning of my summer vacation while watching Good Morning America I saw an interview excerpt for a 20/20 spot on Rielle Hunter by Chris Cuomo. I really, really like Chris Cuomo, but I had to walk away from it and here's why. For anyone who has not listened to the news for the last six years, Rielle Hunter is the mistress of former presidential candidate John Edwards (I admit I use to like him,politically-speaking). She is also the mother of their four year old daughter. She is now promoting her book, which tells the story of their affair and her relationship with him in the past and now as parents of an innocent little girl. Having an innocent daughter does by no means make them innocent. Both of them are guilty of a number of very immoral acts that unfortunately are not punishable by law. At least according to the trial that just ended. I guess they will have to suffer with their decisions for the rest of their lives, but we do not have to waste our time or money to subsidize the sorry excuses they are trying to hand us. Both of them have irrevocably changed the lives of all the people around them and for what? Some simple sex, ego gratification, and their more than 15 minutes of notoriety? Who do you ask have been hurt? Besides the taxpayers who had to foot another bill for a corrupt politician's day in court, the loyal political followers who donated time and money to support a candidate on a power trip, the staff members who tried his dirty laundry from the nation and his family, all his children who had the burden of loving a father who thought more about himself than them, and his late wife who was humiliated in public while suffering from another bout with cancer. Rielle Hunter said in the interview, "I am not a homewrecker" and she may be right. She is so much more...both John Edwards and Rielle Hunter are selfish and immoral. Sure marriages fail all the time and we deserve to be happy. Yet, when you know the marriage is not working for you- do the right thing and get out. You are then to find your new perfect mate. If you fall in love or lust, do not act on it until you make it right. Most importantly, do not try to fool the American public and then continue to benefit through the need by some to be voyeurs. Let's get smart people...and we can start here. Do not watch 20/20 tonight and definitely let her book tank at the bookstands. I am just saying...

I'm Counting My Blessings...

Every day I say a mantra, prayer, affirmation or whatever you want to call it. I take a minute and look to the east and take a few deep breaths. I ask for strength to be a better person than I was yesterday, for guidance and protection for me and mine, I state I am in good health, at peace, and grateful for the blessings I receive (present not past) and the lessons I continue to learn from, I ask for forgiveness for my weaknesses as I forgive others theirs, I ask that the abundance of the universe flow easily and effortlessly into my life,I promise to use that abundance to help others- all for the common good, and I finish with, I believe my prayers will be answered. After I am done, I do not worry, obsess, or doubt that I am alright. I do not try to manipulate or control what happens to me during the day. I just trust in a higher power that dwells in me. Regardless of your religion or core beliefs, these simple words can change your life. Faith is believing in something or someone when no evidence is available. A knowing that if you live in a conscious way that you will live an authentic life. This does not mean that I expect there to be no glitches or bumps in the road. However, I hope or really believe that I will have the tools and the support to deal with what comes my way and I am forever grateful for the good things in my life. I always thought I would win the lottery some day or come into a lot of money. Do not get me wrong- I still would like that to happen. I could think of many, many ways to spend it, share it, and donate it to make life even better, but the difference from my wanting or wishing as I did before is that now I do not have to have it to be happy. It is not a magic fix or answer to getting out of debt or paying for a new driveway we desperately need. Money will not cure all my ills or make me content, but it could pay off some student loans. Maybe, I will win, but true happiness is not based on it anymore. Have I matured or as I have learned in my psychology classes, become self-actualized? Well, I hope so! Instead of feeling lucky that I have not had more bad than good, I am thankful. Even more so, I look to see how I can help others to weather their storms, as well. Anyone who knows me is aware that I am no angel, but I figure we need to acknowledge what we have, share our blessings, protect our resources, and learn live authentically. That is the real answer. Until next time...

Gurnee Grade School Validated for Students Hard Work

Over ten years ago, Gurnee School District 56 was feeling the pinch of a growing school population and planned to re-open the oldest building in the district, Gurnee Grade School.
Since its closure in June 1998, the building was being rented out to the Gurnee Park District and a local Christian School. However, the district was looking for an economical way to create more space for incoming students and reclaiming the school was the first step.
The obvious solution was to use real estate that was already available and configured for educational pursuits. Unfortunately, with its long history in the village, also came some long-standing issues and problems.
Being the only school in the village until Viking School opened in 1971 and its foundation just east of the DesPlaines River, meant the school was old and flood-prone. No nice modern classrooms, no climate-controlled hallways, and the yearly threat of the river flowing through the building, were only a few reasons that parents were not likely to move their children to Gurnee Grade.
To entice families back into the building, the district decided to make the school an option school. What it could not offer in amenities, it could give in choice. All-day kindergarten was initiated, smaller class-size, multi-age classrooms, and eventually housing kindergarten through eighth grade in the same building. Accommodating all siblings in one school was a boon to most families trying to work out the logistics of a typical school day.
No one was moved to Gurnee Grade against their will and they actually had to request in writing to be put on a waiting list. Parents who sent their children to GGS became great supporters and volunteers in a strong family of staff and educators that bonded over the years over sandbags, steamy classrooms, and crowded conditions.
This alternative program has payed-off big time for the village, district, school, and the students in it. Principal Jen Glickley was notified in late January that Gurnee Grade School earned an award from the Illinois State Board of Education. In her email to her staff, Mrs. Glickley said, “This is a HUGE testament to all the hard work each of you does everyday. It's more proof that EVERY CHILD can learn! Thank you!”
The 2011 Excellence Award for Exemplary Academic Performance on the Illinois Learning Standards was earned by GGS by meeting the following criteria:
* Must have made Adequate Yearly Progress in 2010 and 2011 as required by "No Child Left Behind".
*In schools serving eighth grade and below, 90% of the students must have met or exceeded state standards in reading and math for the three most recent years.
Throughout the state, 438 schools earned this award, but this is the first award in Gurnee School District 56. Gurnee Grade School is not a pretty school, it is not spacious, and it is definitely not new, but the family that has formed since the re-opening in 2003 has made a difference that really counts.
The Illinois State Board of Education recognized Gurnee Grade School with a certificate commemorating the inclusion on the 2011 Illinois Honor Roll stating, "...you and your faculty on all the good work required to sustain academic excellence in your school".
Next year the students will be moved to another building and Gurnee Grade will be no more, but the heart of the school will remain. Having a safe and dry environment in a comfortable setting is only the icing on the cake for the teachers, staff, and families who took a chance by being part of this worthy experiment.
The statement on the certificate further reads: "Demonstrating long-term commitment to the highest quality of education, students, educators, and families at Gurnee Grade School have earned a 2011 Excellence Award".
A strong validation for the decision the district made for practical reasons, yet garnered so much more for the district. Superintendent John Hutton added his congratulations to all the staff at Gurnee Grade School through a letter last week.

Remembering 9/11/01

Of course with any major event that is experienced in our lives, we look back and think about what we were doing when it took place. With Sunday’s remembrances for 9/11, I looked at what I was doing and where my life was when I heard for the first time of the plane crashing into Tower One of the World Trade Center. The names read, the six moments of silence, touching music, and the eloquent words spoken by leaders both present and past touched my heart deeply.
Just ten years ago, I watched with others to see our lives changing irrevocably and forever. Our contentment and nonchalance that violence was not going to touch America and the fear of terrorism, war, or that the threat of fanatics taking away our security on home turf was no longer a distant thought. The Towers being attacked, the Pentagon in flames, the heroes going down in Pennsylvania, the last Tower falling, and the death toll climbing brought us together in solidarity, pain, and patriotism.
We have learned a lot in the last ten years. The tributes both nationally and locally on Sunday have once again allowed me to remember what has been lost, endured, and treasured in my life. Listening to how survivors or the loved ones of the almost 3000 people, who perished that day, have coped and subsequently moved on in their lives was so moving. The children and grandchildren born after the tragedy give me hope for a better future for all of us. Those victims are in our memories with each smile or mannerism repeated through the generations to come.
The realization of unbearable loss of those people who died are multiplied by the first responders who gave their all, and the ones lost in the subsequent war on terrorism ripple in our public consciousness like the memorial pool at Ground Zero
Seeing our nation, mourning their deaths, yet celebrating their lives and heroics- humbles me. We truly will not forget that Tuesday, ten years ago and hopefully the recollections from that awful day will keep us strong, focused, and dedicated to the freedom we all deserve.

New Year, New Me???

Okay, this year I did not even think about New Year Resolutions. Yeah, I did run through the "getting in shape", "learning not to procrastinate", and my all-time favorite, "spending within my means" scenarios, but the truth is that I am older and wiser. I know that making a list with all my potential improvements will remain a list for the next year with only a hint of guilt for not following-through.

I have gone with a new approach. I am trying to be better in some way everyday. Maybe it will be eating right, or doing a project early, or maybe just not buying that book or gadget that I was dying for in the first place. Or maybe it will be thinking about the act and deciding that I really do want it and will make it work accordingly.

Like me, I am sure you know what I am talking about as January 1st comes around each year and a new plan is needed to make a fresh start. However, I have a feeling that it is not necessary to restart or begin over again, but maybe like tortoise and "keep a-goin".

The point being that I am going to live in the present in a meaningful way- each and every day. No matter worrying or planning out what will never be accomplished from a insignificant man-made list. I do have to do all those things I mentioned, but for me and not because I am suppose to do it. Quality, not quantity is my new philosophy.

I will work on my weight and exercising to be healthier and live longer. I will whittle away at my "to do" list a little at a time, and I will use my money to make my life better and the people around me. Making time to enjoy my pursuits as well as handle my responsibilities. So, I will pursue my classes, finish paying my credit card debt, work and volunteer on a regular basis while allowing myself some all important "me" time for writing, creating, and actually relaxing on occasion.

With a new granddaughter, two wonderful grown daughters with their own lives, and a husband of a gazillion years, I have learned that they are what makes my life whole. Having that in mind, I know that they are my priority this year and every year. If I miss with them, I miss completely. So, I believe that this year there will be a new me. It will one day at a time even if it takes all year. Persistence is the key...