The View and Marriage in Today’s World

I was watching The View this morning and through the chaos of the panel’s differing opinions on marriage I did relate to some of the topics presented. I really love The View, but even I’ll have to step away from the screen when they are thrashing out one of the “Hot Topics”. Talking over each other, interrupting whoever’s train-of-thought, and/or lambasting someone for daring to take another stance, is all great fun. However, some of the facts tend to get lost in the obvious posturing.

Anyway, they were talking about renewing a marriage license like we do our driver’s license, like every four years. Taking a look at the whole process and figuring out if we want to continue on and re-up until the next term or call it a day. What do you think? At the beginning of marriage, we are not as entwined in family, property, or life experiences, so a difficult divorce can be avoided under the “apprenticeship” program.

They say in a long standing marriage, couples may have multiple versions of their marriage. As our bodies are ever-changing, so is who we are. Making a successful partnership is a work in progress and maybe if regulated in the first four years, you can cancel the contract if you are not growing in the same direction. Once children are involved, of course, the marriage certificate kicks in. It would be no different for same-sex marriages.

They also discussed some kind of certification for raising children, the future of Beyoncé’s marriage, a new movie with John Lithgow on Alfred Molina about a same-sex couple as they grow older (interesting), and if a man is hit by a woman should she be treated as the victim when he turns on her. Does she have an applied expectation that she is immune to retaliation if she started the altercation? I tell you it was an interesting show.  Let me just say, no one has the right to physically harm another unless it is in self-defense. Man or woman- you pay the price for violating their right to safety.

After 39 years of marriage, I’ve lived through a number of different versions in our relationship. Some great, others pretty good, and let’s not repeat that again. Either way, if it was as easy as a simple renewal, some marriages wouldn’t last the first expiration date. Mine included. People are more willing to give up when there’s not much to lose. When abuse or dysfunction is perpetrated on either party, all bets are off, no question.

It takes time to really know someone, to accept someone after the initial passion has cooled, and understand we are not perfect as individuals. So the odds are we will not be in a marriage, which is perfect. We really need to work at things, regardless of how complicated they are. The harder the task the more we appreciate it when we succeed.

What’s your view?  Until next time…

The Wisdom of Our Grandmothers

I relish the idea of being a wise old woman, a grandmother. Heaven knows I am old enough to be one and God willing I will be getting older. So, I meet the main criteria with my grandchildren and then my age. I am getting on in years despite feeling just the same. Not like today, many of the ancient cultures revere us (older folks) with respect and admiration for what we have learned. Society doesn’t care so much. The gift of our wisdom and experience may be tolerated by our children at best and uniformly dismissed by the younger generations at its worst.  More invisible than pertinent to the conversation, I’ve become mute at times.

This is not acceptable. I’m at that age (baby boomer) when I’m not known for my innovative perspective, but continue to have valid ideas. I’ve learned that most seniors are fully functional, willing to try new things, and have decades of knowledge to share, Maybe it takes a little longer for me to find that particular word I was looking for (again) that lies beyond the tip of my tongue, I might need a couple tries to master a particular app on my smartphone or iPad, but I eventually figure out how to get there with the GPS. I admit my texting can improve a bit (okay, greatly), yet I am proud that it is in proper English and grammatically correct.  Speed is not always better. Candy Crush is addicting.

I once read the story of a grandmother and grandson that goes like this: A grandmother told her grandson that she felt like there were two wild animals fighting in her heart. The first one was mean, angry, and full of revenge and the other was good, kind, and forgiving. The boy asked, “Grandmother, which one will win”?  The grandmother answered, “The one I feed”. Doesn’t that say it all? What we become is based on how we nurture ourselves and we are a sum of how we have used those experiences. Grandmothers realize we are all connected and we suffer the same.

All the self-help books, talk show hosts, and celebrity experts cannot replace the information garnered from our own journeys, or the counsel of our elders. Grandmothers of today know how to raise children, while juggling a career. They have lived life before cell phones and computers, but stay in touch on Facebook. Actually, the grandmothers of today have conquered many obstacles in the workplace, on the home front, and through the dictates of society regardless of race, age or gender.

We know that kindness is more important than being right. We understand equality is not possible, but acceptance and fairness are. We believe sometimes we have to fail to appreciate success. We recognize that timing and luck are not the same and apathy will rob us of our opportunities. Grandmothers love unconditionally and the Golden
Rule exists for a reason. Nope, we did not learn everything we know in kindergarten, but in a lifetime of classrooms without opening up a book. Finally, we know it is not the destination, rather the journey. Grandmothers know...we need to listen and learn.