The View and Marriage in Today’s World

I was watching The View this morning and through the chaos of the panel’s differing opinions on marriage I did relate to some of the topics presented. I really love The View, but even I’ll have to step away from the screen when they are thrashing out one of the “Hot Topics”. Talking over each other, interrupting whoever’s train-of-thought, and/or lambasting someone for daring to take another stance, is all great fun. However, some of the facts tend to get lost in the obvious posturing.

Anyway, they were talking about renewing a marriage license like we do our driver’s license, like every four years. Taking a look at the whole process and figuring out if we want to continue on and re-up until the next term or call it a day. What do you think? At the beginning of marriage, we are not as entwined in family, property, or life experiences, so a difficult divorce can be avoided under the “apprenticeship” program.

They say in a long standing marriage, couples may have multiple versions of their marriage. As our bodies are ever-changing, so is who we are. Making a successful partnership is a work in progress and maybe if regulated in the first four years, you can cancel the contract if you are not growing in the same direction. Once children are involved, of course, the marriage certificate kicks in. It would be no different for same-sex marriages.

They also discussed some kind of certification for raising children, the future of Beyoncé’s marriage, a new movie with John Lithgow on Alfred Molina about a same-sex couple as they grow older (interesting), and if a man is hit by a woman should she be treated as the victim when he turns on her. Does she have an applied expectation that she is immune to retaliation if she started the altercation? I tell you it was an interesting show.  Let me just say, no one has the right to physically harm another unless it is in self-defense. Man or woman- you pay the price for violating their right to safety.

After 39 years of marriage, I’ve lived through a number of different versions in our relationship. Some great, others pretty good, and let’s not repeat that again. Either way, if it was as easy as a simple renewal, some marriages wouldn’t last the first expiration date. Mine included. People are more willing to give up when there’s not much to lose. When abuse or dysfunction is perpetrated on either party, all bets are off, no question.

It takes time to really know someone, to accept someone after the initial passion has cooled, and understand we are not perfect as individuals. So the odds are we will not be in a marriage, which is perfect. We really need to work at things, regardless of how complicated they are. The harder the task the more we appreciate it when we succeed.

What’s your view?  Until next time…

The Wisdom of Our Grandmothers

I relish the idea of being a wise old woman, a grandmother. Heaven knows I am old enough to be one and God willing I will be getting older. So, I meet the main criteria with my grandchildren and then my age. I am getting on in years despite feeling just the same. Not like today, many of the ancient cultures revere us (older folks) with respect and admiration for what we have learned. Society doesn’t care so much. The gift of our wisdom and experience may be tolerated by our children at best and uniformly dismissed by the younger generations at its worst.  More invisible than pertinent to the conversation, I’ve become mute at times.

This is not acceptable. I’m at that age (baby boomer) when I’m not known for my innovative perspective, but continue to have valid ideas. I’ve learned that most seniors are fully functional, willing to try new things, and have decades of knowledge to share, Maybe it takes a little longer for me to find that particular word I was looking for (again) that lies beyond the tip of my tongue, I might need a couple tries to master a particular app on my smartphone or iPad, but I eventually figure out how to get there with the GPS. I admit my texting can improve a bit (okay, greatly), yet I am proud that it is in proper English and grammatically correct.  Speed is not always better. Candy Crush is addicting.

I once read the story of a grandmother and grandson that goes like this: A grandmother told her grandson that she felt like there were two wild animals fighting in her heart. The first one was mean, angry, and full of revenge and the other was good, kind, and forgiving. The boy asked, “Grandmother, which one will win”?  The grandmother answered, “The one I feed”. Doesn’t that say it all? What we become is based on how we nurture ourselves and we are a sum of how we have used those experiences. Grandmothers realize we are all connected and we suffer the same.

All the self-help books, talk show hosts, and celebrity experts cannot replace the information garnered from our own journeys, or the counsel of our elders. Grandmothers of today know how to raise children, while juggling a career. They have lived life before cell phones and computers, but stay in touch on Facebook. Actually, the grandmothers of today have conquered many obstacles in the workplace, on the home front, and through the dictates of society regardless of race, age or gender.

We know that kindness is more important than being right. We understand equality is not possible, but acceptance and fairness are. We believe sometimes we have to fail to appreciate success. We recognize that timing and luck are not the same and apathy will rob us of our opportunities. Grandmothers love unconditionally and the Golden
Rule exists for a reason. Nope, we did not learn everything we know in kindergarten, but in a lifetime of classrooms without opening up a book. Finally, we know it is not the destination, rather the journey. Grandmothers know...we need to listen and learn.

As I Still See It

About 10 years ago I started a weekly column (Fridays) in the newspaper. It really was a dream come true. I grew up reading The Lake County News-Sun and I have always loved to write. I called it a “Day in the Life” and I had quite a following. The paper was going through a bumpy transition at the time and I moved on, but I always regretted my decision. I usually don’t bail out on things and my ego got into the way a bit. Lessons are hard learned, but I am grateful for every one of them even when I am clearly wrong.

Life for me has changed, the newspaper business has, our area has, and I am sure the readers have in the last five years. However, more than ever I believe that my kind of column remains a voice that identifies with the majority. Whether it is talking about Lake County in the present or past, reporting on events recently attended, or discussing the topics that touch our hearts and drive us mad- I want to write a column we can all relate to in some way. The people I grew-up with find it hard to relate to what this county looks like now after leaving years ago. Yet, many call this home and relish the memories we share.

In the last decade, I have gone through a lot of changes. I am now retired, one class away from a BS in psychology, have two accomplished grown daughters with their Masters working in education, a husband of 37 years, two amazing granddaughters, have traveled a more spiritual path, become more active in my community, and continued to feed my passion to write whenever possible.

Think about all that has changed since 2003 in the world and more importantly in your lives. Newspapers are not read for the latest news, but what is relevant in our lives. We can find out what we need to know, minutes after it happens on the internet. The networks loop news all day long, but we don’t hear what is going on in our neighborhoods, what important changes our happening in our towns, or how our schools are doing. Facebook is so popular with adults because we want those connections with others. With friends today and the ones faraway, touching base if only for a minute as we deal with our hectic schedules, and as the song from Train laments, “We all have bruises”, knowing we aren’t alone in this life.

Maybe reminiscing about our shared favorite spots, the latest bonehead move in the government, or aligning our chakras. All interesting ideas we can flesh out and explore in the weeks to come. Do you know where I am coming from?  So, are you with me? Willing to give me another chance? Life as I see it, your take on it, and what is important in our lives every day. That’s what I’m talking about…

Doing My Heart Good...

I saw a post from a friend on Facebook about a volunteering experience she had recently been a part of and how great she felt about it. A teacher, mother, and spiritually enlightened individual, my friend had to make time to give time and yet received a sense of accomplishment far greater than she expended. I wanted some of that, too.

So, a few days later, another friend and I signed up for a shift at the Libertyville location for FEED MY STARVING CHILDREN. Not sure what all it entailed when I put in my reservation to work, we showed up to make meals to send to underdeveloped countries around the world. After signing in, we received a hairnet and an invitation to join the others in a large room with lots of wooden benches. We were introduced to the guy in charge, saw a brief video on the organization, had an overview on what we were going to do, and proceeded to scrub up and get down to work. I learned we were making manna.

You might have heard of the word manna in connection with the Bible. Manna was the miraculous food that fed the Israelites when they were in the Egyptian desert. Manna is also defined as an unexpected, but much needed gift, divine nourishment, or some special assistance to relieve pain or discontent. You get the gist.

Costing less than $1.32, the manna I am talking about and that I helped prepare is a prepackaged dry meal, which provides a nutritionally complete and protein-rich serving for six. It addresses hunger for the severely malnourished child, while being in an acceptable form for all cultures. This is very important, because these three special formulas prepared solely by volunteers in seven permanent sites are distributed to almost 70 countries.

FMSC is a Christian nonprofit organization and was started in 1987 to provide complete nutritionally-based meals for starving, malnourished, and recovering children. It has a four star rating from Charity Navigator for eight out of the last ten years. A much higher score than many more recognizable charities, with 92% of total donations going right to the task of feeding children.

There are a number of sites to volunteer at in the Chicago area, but the Libertyville location was closest for us. You could go by yourself, with a group, or plan an event with your family. Birthday parties with a twist for children, scouting events, school or church outings can be scheduled for two hour shifts on Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday. Children as young as kindergarteners are welcome with an adult, and as the kids get older the number with an adult increases. Just go to fmsc.org for more information and make a reservation.

I guarantee this is the best two hours you’ll ever have for volunteering. The room is full of like-minded individuals joining together to feed the world. If standing is a problem, sit down jobs are available. From adding the dehydrated veggies, soy, enriched vitamin powder, and rice or potato base, weighing, sealing, filling the cases, and moving them to the warehouse, everyone had a job. Even the waste was used to feed local farm animals. Music played and the cheers when another case was ready for the pallet was heard from each station named for one of the countries serviced. Some of the earlier shipments were diverted to the Philippines ravaged by Typhoon Haiyan in November. Our food was being shipped to Honduras, as were the other shifts of the day.

Before our session ended we were given a sample of what we just packaged and we heard the numbers we produced. In our session, we made enough for 51 kids to eat for a year. In two short hours we made a major difference. I tell you, it did my heart good.

**Update- Gurnee School District 56 and specifically River Trail School collected $900 for this worthy cause and all the middle school kids will go as a field trip later in the school year and work a session. The good news continues…